Motorcycle lessons, fun with speed...

I grew up in a home where we owned 2 motorcycles all the time; one for my brother, one for my dad. Naturally all the travelling took place with me behind my dad or bro, with my always-short hair flying freely and my eyes fluctuating from right to left, taking in the scenery changing every second. I did not know the confinement and safety of a car for a long time, nor did i like it much when i did. My love for speed stems partly from this, and partly from my experiences behind my brother as he drove at dangerously high speeds with alarming ease. I made up my mind to learn from him and my dad, this awesome trait of flying on wheels, as soon as i could.

I started the lessons about a year ago, with my dad trying to teach me, first, the ignition, then the clutch and shifting the gear, and third, releasing the clutch. i remember how the beast used to jerk under me when i released the clutch too quickly(it still does, sometimes!) and when i finally mastered it, i used to ride the bike in my colony area, whenever dad returned home, or on Sundays. I slowly graduated to riding on the road at 11 in the night with my brother behind me, shouting instructions over the wind, sometimes rain. Then i could take it out to a little crowded area behind my home. Slowly, i could ride the motorcycle on the way from my swimming classes, again in the vicinity of my colony. My dad/ bro, always behind me, sometimes shouting urgent instructions to turn or brake, sometimes telling me to master the minutest details such as when to brake, when to keep your hold on the clutch, when to honk, how to judge the motorcycle coming from the opposite direction, sometimes scolding me over my silly lax of safety; but always in a way, boosting my confidence. And today, in fact i just returned from it, i was permitted to ride on the highway.

Of course there were too many flaws, like there are always, but the excitement couldn't die even after i returned home. The speed, as i learned through all the lessons throughout the year, is not just alarming, it is exhilarating. The feeling of accelerator turning in your palm, and the clutch changing the gear from 1-2-3-4-5; as you fly through the roads is simply superb. But i know that however self-asserting the accelerator might be, there are always the brakes reminding me to come back down to earth! I would never risk mine or anyone else's life for my fun with speed, 'cause it is not worth that high a price!

Every time i take the bike out is a whole new experience for me; sometimes learning to park, sometimes learning to use the kick-start, sometimes learning to put the double-stand on... every lesson teaches me something new; learning from my mistakes, i survive every lesson. And i really love and appreciate me dad and my brother for everything! I just hope this continues till i'm finally confident, mentally and legally, to hit the road! So far, so great:)

Before and after ' Being Done'

Something got me thinking about relief, about 'being done with'; i have felt it many times. I felt it every time i went on-stage, maybe for an elocution or for a dance competition, i felt it when i gave my last SSC exam, more so i felt it when i gave my last geography exam (that was a BIG relief, believe me!); and i felt it recently when i finally gave my economics presentation, along with my 9 teammates, which consumed more than 2 months, many headaches, many agreements, disagreements, etc. etc. There is something i feel, very peculiar about this feeling of relief...

I have found that situations that consume too much of work behind it, will give you relief when you are 'done' with it. Maybe it is because we cherish the getting over of the hardwork, and await a time of relaxation. Maybe it is because we have too many things to do, and we are relieved as and when each one gets over. I have always seen Tom and Jerry touching their forehead and waving it off, with droplets of sweat being sprayed in the air. Phew, what a relief! We are sooo 'done' with it! This is before and during 'being done'.

But i have never come across any book, or show, or cartoon that showed the emptiness after 'being done'. I experienced it after all those feelings of relief. All those blogs where i cribbed about being bored throughout summer, were just an expression of how empty my life was. Because my life revolved around those exams for a whole year, once it was over, i didn't know where it was going now! Once a job is over, it just sets your system off-balance, it's like, now just go back to being what you were before, but you can't. Things change, the biggest focus has shifted to the margin, now search for a new one!

I am writing all this because that emptiness has crept back into my focus. A few days ago, it was the project that formed the center of the universe; edit videos, make a presentation, practice presenting it, get everyone together, get through all approvals and disapprovals, and finally celebrate the anticipated freedom, the anticipated 'relief'. Don't get me wrong, i AM stuffed; i have my classes, i have my college, i have another project to submit too, but then when this thing i put all my hours into got over within half-an-hour, it sort of leaves me into a pit i dug myself, and now i have to find a way out...

Long story short, 'being done' is seriously overrated. I would never, ever want to be done with anything for a long time, because an empty feeling is tough to get away with. Also, this is when i have to deal with the daily routine (which i hate), monotony(which i hate too) and sleepiness (which i do not hate, but, come on, imagine being slurry and sleepy for 24 hours!).

Let's see what forms the next focus of my life....:/

the change...

the turn of the decade has turned the whole world i used to know around...the people i used to be close to have drifted apart, new people have now become close; my surroundings have changed, places have changed, television has changed, fast food has changed, topics to chat over fast food have changed, but more than that, i have changed...

i don't know whether its for the best or for the worse... i have become moody, these days, have taken a liking to old hindi and english songs, started wearing kurtas, earrings, chappals, have started to grow my hair, have stopped going down in the colony to play, i am usually too tired and irritable by the end of the day to speak, i just have my dinner n spend rest of the time on facebook...why, out of my 200 friends on facebook, how many do i really feel like talking to at the end of the day? hardly 2?

Change is never constant they say, and i like change... it is perfect for a person like me, but is this change in me stealing me from me? i recently read my diaries, that i wrote in my STD.10th and it felt like i was watching my younger sister from afar, it wasn't me at all!

I recently met some friends from school in my schools annual fun-fair; and everyone was like, oh my god! you have changed..." you've grown fat/ you've grown thin, Oh My God, Shruti in a kurta! seriously, Xavier's has changed you..." and the rest is about as predictable as the last moment!

I liked a link on facebook a few days back. it said ' "you've changed a lot"-" i grew up, maybe you should try it"' So true, isn't it? this change has taken a while for me to accept, but well, change is just another of the little wonders of my life:)